The Bare Thing and Bodily Fluids by Len Lukowski

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It was good that I happened to read these two collections right after a trans man walks into a gay bar – they act as a poetic response to the same themes Harry Nicholas explored and so there was a mutual enrichment of my encounter of both writers work.

Their work has featured in Fourteen Poems and Bi+ Lines.

The poems have a clarity to them, I felt a directness that really engaged me, even when they were exploring metaphors or speaking one step removed from a subject.

The poem “The Virus” from The Bare Thing could be read as a poem about COVID, could be read as a poem about HIV and that speaks to the ways so much of the “unprecedented” nature of COVID had deep echoes for many gay men and others that had ever paid attention to HIV.

 

a trans man walks in to a gay bar by Harry Nicholas

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The relationship between sexuality and gender identity is complex, and sadly gay spaces are not always safe spaces for trans people, whether they are trans men or trans women.

That complexity is being prayed upon by some wishing to drive a wedge between LGB and T+ people, often in terms that invalidate the lived experiences of trans people.

I am gay, and among the (many) men I fancy there are trans men – some people would tell me that means I am not actually gay, if I fancy trans men I must be bi – but that is not who I am.

Into that mix Harry Nicholas speaks powerfully and personally – to tell of their journey from Lesbian to Gay Man risks being the ultimate trigger for those anti-trans LGB campaigners.

But what I found most interesting was the reflections on what it means to be a gay man, how “manliness” is defined and policed within the gay ‘community’ - in different ways the gym-toned twink and the bear express a strong maleness and expressions of self, expressions of the body, that hold your maleness more lightly are treated a risky. It felt like permission to worry less and be more myself.

The Old Haunts by Allan Radcliffe

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Having read Allan Radcliffe’s second book, Blurred Faces, earlier in the year I was really keen to get this his debut novel, although he has been established as a short story writer well before this.

Much of what was compelling about Blurred Faces is here two, although there is not quiet the same claustrophobic feel to it.

The journeying with in it is, both Jamie’s move from Scotland to London to study and then work, and return visit that is the context of the narrative, have something of pilgrimage about them, physical journeys that are carrying much deep emotionally journeys within them.

It speaks of identity, especially the ways in which society has shaped the identities of gay men (and other sexualities and genders), how Jamie felt unable to share his true self with his parents because of his perceptions of them, of their prejudice – but also ways in which Jamie was maybe unable to share his true self even with himself. Our self-censorship is more powerful than any action of society – and it comes with great sorrow when you realise the chains you wear you put upon yourself.

At 150 or so pages this is distilled work, it comes as no surprise that it is from the hand of a writer skilled at the art/craft of the short story – it provides a punch far greater that the weight of its pages.

A Sister Like You by Sarah Hagger-Holt

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As it is in the blurb on the back, and even the title, I don’t think it is a spoiler to say, this is tale of two adopted sisters discovering each other.

Thrown together unexpectedly by shifting circumstance they find a connection even before find out they are sisters. The navigation of teenage years and secondary school life is complex, and tiring, and those spaces when you have a chance to be yourself are treasured.

There are also questions of nature / nurture, Ella and Ari are different in ways that might appear to reflect the personalities of the their respective adoptive parents – but what is causation and who just coincidence is unanswerable.

Within this mix finding queer identities plays a significant part – something that is now open to, some, much younger than it was for my generation – and it is a delight to hear stories of such authenticity that tell of the positive change we have seen within society. Change that might feel fragile at times, but we need to celebrate the stories and celebrate the story tellers.

Well Done, You Didn’t Die by Max Wallis

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Two of these excellent poems

Anon

I don’t see him,

but I can tell he is handsome,

not just taut ribs beneath my hands,

pulse and pressure rising,

but in how he moves,

the slow peel and toss of my clothes,

his thumb stroking my cheek. I make him

from what is left unsaid.

His arm’s weight, draped, then gone,

the tension in his buttock holding still,

his swell -

his hand at the back of my head,

not demanding, not desperate,

encouraging me down to the base.

I know him by taste

salt, sweat, the ghost of citrus.

I know him in the way breath breaks,

his body shifting as he gives in,

the second he lingers

before leaving,

as if he might kiss me.

He doesn’t.

I don’t ask.

Serenity Prayer

god grant us the serenity / to accept the things we cannot change / the courage to change the / things we can / and the wisdom to know el differencio / such as / true Heinz ketchup / us Aldi home brand / the subtle grief of budget beans / the betrayal of margarine that tries to pass for butter / the smear of compromise / on morning toast / go grant us patience / when the oat milk seperates in coffee / and when someone says it’s the same thing / but you know / it’s not / and you don’t have the words to argue / over condiments / anymore / give us courage / to walk away from relationships / but never from good mayonnaise / help us forgive ourselves / for buying the cheap pesto / again / even when we knew / even when it smelled like despair / teach us to accept the own-brand biscuits / in hospital waiting rooms / and the whisper of realisation / that nothing / is ever quite the same / once you’ve tasted / the full-fat / the full-price / the full-truth / of what was / always yours.

Bede and the Theory of Everything by Michelle P. Brown

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Durham University claims Bede as a forebear of its academic tradition, which is stretching things, but I always stop at Bede’s tomb in the Cathedral a pause in respect.

Yet I am not sure how seriously I took Bede, some of his “history” was a little creative, and therefore it was great to hear the real scholarly standing that his wide ranging work holds.

It also shows that Bede never traveling far from his Monastery in North East England was very much plugged into the beating heart of intellectual society across Europe – our sense of the centre and the margins is challenged.

But I don’t think we ever get a “Theory of Everything” – a catchy title that is not followed through – Bede was interested in everything but we don’t quiet get his overarching organising thought.

There is also a lot of repetition, with each chapter feeling a little like an independent essay and therefore each time setting out key bibliographical and historical context that we were increasingly familiar with.

Queer Square Mile, Queer Short Stories from Wales Edited by K Bohata, M Morgan, & H Osborne

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Some how I expected a collection of short stories to be short and was surprised when these 600+ pages of writing thumped onto the doormat … turns out being Queer, Short, and from Wales is more common than I thought!

Without Steve, by David Llewelyn, is one of the most sorrowful

I had read all the boys by Thomas Morris back in 2020 in his own collection, and it was good to encounter it again.

It is hard to offer comments in summary of such an expansive collection - spanning almost 200 years it brings us work published from 1837 to 2021 it gives a longevity to Queer voices which is often denied or ignored, while rooting so many of the stories in rural and / or working class Wales counters narratives about Queer experience being the reserve of the metropolitan elites. (a foot note to this is currently re-watching This Life in which Warren’s story is all about that “escape” from Wales to the City)