Monday, 29 December 2025

Father Myself by James McDermott

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This collection is incredibly honest and open about the complexities of grief – it is not sugar coating anything, it speaks with a tenderness – a living with the reality of situations, even when they are far from perfect. It is an exemplar of the kind of open hearted / broken hearted approach to life (and death) that we found in Andrew Flewitt’s Do You Believe in Life After Loss.


Two of the poems…


Shauny Bubble


I clock you in Nivea pink lather

as I soup your granddaughter’s little limbs

like you scrubbed mine when I was muddy knees


I clock you in seafoam on Weybourne beach

strolls we never did together I clock

you rise in lager pints we never shared


I clock you erupt in boiling water

as I stir two a.m. tea in your Best

Dad mug I clock you trapped in a spirit

level still reminding me I’m not straight


I never asked you why Shauny Bubble

was you life-long nickname maybe Bubble

was your first word your first teddy maybe

everybody knew you’d float briefly burst



James


age six James means Bond cars guns but I am

silver Space Girls Heelies pink nails I say


my name already knowing it’s a punch

line I’m sixteen my father is boiling


a kettle by closed window when I tell

him I’m gay he turns his back on me


as if I am the past I’m twenty-six

in the living room drunk on New Year’s Dad


queries if I’m dating someone my heart

full hot kettle I grill if he recalls


turning his back on me and then he spills

he had a brother named James who was bi


in eighties Manchester my father was

the only man James told before he took


his life James comes from Hebrew name Jacob

which means to supplant to take the place of

 

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